Archive for rambling
There are a few things I’ve learned about myself this week: small things, big things, subtle things, pivotal things. Lots of things. While entering a potentially life-changing experience, we focus on the desired outcome, seeing it as the next step: give me one moment in time. What I’d never expected was to feel triumphant, content, propelled onto the next plateau after blowing that one moment in time. To feel that you’ve actually reached that next step by not getting what you thought you wanted. It’s hard to explain, but I’m going to try.
One of the reasons I feel so content is that I’ve learned things about myself. New things and things I always knew, but had to learn again, in this new setting and stage in my life. I’ve learned that I need to take control. I’ve learned that I know what works for me, and I know best. I’ve learned that I need time for and with myself before any grand undertaking, I need to align with my core, I need my cocoon. I’ve learned that other people’s opinions of me don’t matter to me as much as I thought they would. I’ve learned that the genuine love of those willing to give it to me matters most. I’ve learned that I truly know who I am and what my strengths are. I’ve learned that I can make mistakes, I’m allowed to make mistakes, I will make mistakes. I’ve learned that I love to learn.
My voice is the score to my spirit. The same way everyone can’t be your closest friend, some people will resonate with your voice and some won’t. The same way Marvin Gaye sings “I want you, the right way… I want you, but I want you to want me too…“, I’ve always been the kind of person to thrive when I give and get love, but truly lose interest when I’m not wanted in return, or games are being played. I don’t fight for someone’s love, it should be given freely.
In this corner of the artistic world -or should I say business-, the biggest and fastest way to launch yourself is by competing with others. Another thing I’ve learned. I don’t compete. I’m me. I’m not interested in showing anyone, least of all myself, that I am better than anyone else. I’m not better than anyone else, but I may have more or less people resonating with my music, my voice, my persona and my lyrics. Still doesn’t make me better or less. Makes me… me. Which makes it difficult to decide whether to enter that type of platform anyway, to get more people to hear you so they can resonate with you. You do resonate with me and it is beautiful. You are all I need.
I blew it and I won. Not by competing with anyone, but by learning more about myself and what I need than I would have by staying in my comfort zone. I vowed to do things I’ve never done to get to places I’ve never been. I feel an unwavering faith in the goodness of my path. If I blew it by marching down my path, while drenching it with all my love, it must have been a good thing. I’m truly looking forward to overseeing this picture I’m painting. The brights, the shadows, the pastels will all make sense some day. For now, I’m simply enjoying the colors.
It’s been quite a year for me. Last August, I lost my apartment, not being able to afford it anymore with all the temp jobs I’ve been doing for years to have enough freedom and time to give music a real chance. I’ve hibernated most of winter, popping vitamin D to give my body some artificial sunshine, reading four books at a time and starting a fifth and sixth then changing my mind, watching entire seasons of tv shows on my laptop. During this time, I’ve been writing a lot, songs about losing my place, losing faith, that glimmer of hope at the horizon, loving me and loving you, finding me and losing you.
I thought it was about time to talk to you, even though I’ve written some blog posts about this and have kept you in the loop on facebook and twitter. YouTube has been a wonderful place to share my art, with full autonomy and whenever I wanted, whimsical as I can be. Throughout the year, I kept getting comments and messages from you, sometimes right at the point where I wanted to give up and disappear into the core of the earth (yes, I got a little dramatic sometimes, bless my friends). These messages truly kept me going, it reminded me that you were still listening, you still cared. Thank you so much for reaching out to me during these times. Your words of encouragement -knowing what I was going through or not at all- were the glue to mend my wings and make me fly again.
I have never been more inspired in my life, words, concepts, stories, ideas pour out like a waterfall and I feel blessed to be able to ride these waves of creativity with you, whether you’re the one I write my songs with, the one I write my songs for or the one I share my songs with. Here’s to you! Hear, hear! And hear me, you do. I hear you, too.
Two weeks after my last post, I lost my apartment, lost hope, lost a lot of tears and my beloved Tinkerbell figurine lost a hand and broke her wings. How
silly symbolic. Well, I see your lesson and raise you an epiphany, solidified faith in my dreams, more helping hands than I can count (you!) and an even deeper appreciation for the love surrounding me.
This is the tale of how Tinkerbell took her broken wings and learned to fly again.
Exactly one year ago, while I was having the time of my life in LA, something stirred in my spirit whenever we passed Laurel Canyon Boulevard and I knew it was a significant place for me. The winding road, the trees, the rocks, the energy!! It was like driving into a magical forest then exiting into the blinding lights of Sunset. ["What just happened? Did anyone else feel that??"] I believed I was supposed to be there and would eventually return, but my dreams and hopes of ever returning to that enchanting place diminished for a moment when I lost my place a couple of months ago and moved back in with my mother. And while the flame of hope for a musical future was being washed away by tears and years of disappointment, I received a big, heavy package all the way from Canada, sent by my friend Erika last month (also known as the Blue Monster, keeping my Facebook “like” page). A book about Laurel Canyon and all the artists who have lived there. I had no idea! Musicians lived there? Generations of them?? Wow… I started believing again, if only a little bit.
A few days after, I had a profound and cathartic interview with the Grown Folks Music blog and spoke candidly about my woes and hopes, the dance of my undying faith in my passion and this dramatic feeling of dying imagining giving the dream up. I’ve received many heart warming messages from you all (some of you I already knew, some of you were new), telling me you enjoy the songs I sing and write, not to give up and how touched you were by the interview and related to certain aspects of my story: being vulnerable as a woman, the struggles of “making it” as an artist or simply daring to dream… with everything you have, foolish as it may be. You made me realize we all need to smile in the face of disappointment and it becomes a lesson, to smile in the face of darkness and thus become the light. You have rekindled my flame with your energy, I am incredibly grateful to you. Thank you!
Mundane is merely magic in disguise. That’s the title of this blog (top left, see it?), one of the lines in my song “High on Life” and my soul’s motto. Every day is (supposed to be) special, but some days seem to shout: “Hey that line you wrote? It’s true! Magic is everywhere! Keep believing! Don’t give up!”. Today was another one of those magically mundane days. Two presents presented themselves to me on this seemingly ordinary Thursday. The pure joy of receiving a package, times two! One: I received these gorgeous Nadine Calor earrings I won two weeks ago on facebook, inspired by the magical night’s sky. Just the kind of thing a nocturnal nymph would wear. Oh yes!
And the big surprise, an early birthday present from the UK: the reincarnation of my special Tinkerbell figurine, which my mom originally bought for me years ago to inspire me while pursuing my passion for music. It had an important place in my apartment and I looked at it daily for hope, it inspired me to keep pushing for my dream. The original one lost her wings and hand while my belongings got shipped from there to here and silly as this may sound, that upset me quite a bit.
I remember telling my friend Michael (from Manchester, like the guy from Big Fish and the Bee Gees, but I digress..) about these “bastards” breaking Tinkerbell’s wings, but I never expected him to send me a brand new version of the fairy I’ve owned for years for my birthday (which is in November, and I suppose… today!), wings and hand intact, bearing the message that’s been propelling my wings for years: “Let Your Dreams Blossom”. I will. I promise. Promise me you will too?
I need to get up early tomorrow and yet here I am, almost 2 am, writing to you, writing to me. I still have and need the temporary day jobs to support my dream. But the dream has expanded. I’ve got my eye on Los Angeles, and LA has got her eye on me (Laurel Canyon!). We met briefly at the end of 2010, but this intense month was all we needed to fall madly in love: what an amazing place! The electric energy of a town filled with passionate dream seekers, the sweet souls I spent time with, the music! The music!!! I’ve gained focus in my work, my music, my writing: I know what my goal is, I know where I’m going, even though I’m ready for life to take me by surprise (please, Life: surprise me!!).
I am surrounded, embraced, by a warm and dedicated team of people I lovingly call “Sexual Chocolate“: my people, my friends, my crew. I am pushing hard, because I fall apart when I don’t follow my passion: I need to sing or I don’t feel right. But they are pushing hard for my dream because they believe in me. Just that. They just do. When I get tired and frustrated, when I’m feeling “meh” and I’m ready to fling my drive out the window, they’re all still there. And that circle of support has expanded, too.
Two Blue Monsters from
Canada Sesame Street made me a facebook “Like” page, including a bio that is so beautifully written, and so humbling, I just want to run around my apartment, jump on my bed and hide under the covers while bouncing up and down. They are fully responsible for the page and post whatever they want to post, videos they like and whatever they feel is worth sharing. As my own personal facebook page is called www.facebook.com/jayanti.me (feel free to add me as a fb homie), I thought it would be cool to name the facebook Like page www.facebook.com/jayanti.you. We used the .you page to host my Revolution in B-Minor live stream, and the Blue Monsters monitored the chat while I was performing, providing live info about the songs I did. And I plan on doing more livestreams in the future (studio sessions as well as live shows) and I would love for this to be a place for song requests and (random) questions about my art.
I got featured worldwide on the YouTube homepage about a week ago and I was chosen as one of four Fresh Faces of July on YouTube’s Music Tuesdays channel. It gained me over 100,000 new views on my no budget video Girl from Mars, and the response has been overwhelming and so loving! People who have been following me on YouTube since the Life is a Musical videos, homies I hadn’t talked to in a while, folks I met in LA 9 months ago, have been writing me messages, that I’m on the right path, how happy they are for me, not to give up, that they’re behind me and have full faith in me. Wow.
This has been a great weekend! I had my very first session with producers Rick and Morien of Morgan Avenue -absolutely love their sound- and Blaxtar, MC / poet and owner of RAEN Music. I had a lovely time, did two hooks for two songs, was able to use a variety of vocal tones and experiment with the melodies. I will be going back soon to complete my vocals and record them to the final versions of the songs. These guys conjured up some sick beats, Blaxtar rummaged through the lyrical closet for gems which he stacked up neatly in his own time defying way, while Rick brewed me a mean cup of coffee. All in all, more than one terrific reason for me to go back and attempt to be gangsta (watch video for my first -failed- attempt)! Booyakasha! Good times!!
Happy New Decade! Happy New Moment!
Hello!! I came back from LA on my birthday, November 17th, closed my eyes for a bit to get out of my jet lag and was fortunate enough to roll right into a full time 9 to 5 in Rotterdam. I took on a day job to save money to go back to my new home: Los Angeles. 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day: it’s pretty difficult to pull myself together at night, be vulnerable and open, and pour out songs and pixie dust and all that magical, silly stuff I love. But how sweet it is to be able to work towards my goal, towards my dream… It feels so good!
And LA… Oh, LA! Yes, I got sick the first week because of the smog, but the rest of my trip was as healthy to my spirit as pure oxygen. The new friends I met, finally seeing my old friends again, what a breath of fresh air that was! I truly made a new family, away from home, the whole experience was so genuine and warm. We keep in touch and it’s funny, some of them have been coming to Holland for shows and distance feels like a technicality, an illusion even. And it is. I really feel like I could live there and will make it my home soon. I have no idea how it’s going to happen and when, but I do believe that me putting in the effort, giving it all I have, will help turn the key and my door will open.
In the meantime, I am here in Rotterdam, working every day (and night!), writing songs and planning more videos. The Girl From Mars video has over 40,000 views already, the response has been incredible! It was made featured video on YouTube, 159 people made it their favorite video on YT, it got posted on lots of blogs and facebook pages, people are still sending me messages and leaving comments… Wow, thank you!! I was also made YouTube partner, which enabled me to enhance my YouTube page, add photos and clickable buttons for this blog, facebook and twitter. I’m talking to promotors here in Rotterdam for gigs and some of the most incredibly gifted people in LA are working on music for me. It’s absolutely not easy to keep myself motivated sometimes, with all the bills I need to pay, getting very little sleep and the visa being a challenge. And then I talk to my friends and family, open my email and there’s another stream of lovely messages from people I do and do not know and I feel so many hands on my back, keeping me from falling and even pushing me forward. Every single “like”, every comment, every smile, every hug and every friend request pulls me closer to my destiny and I thank you. I am continuously sending you the brightest light I can ignite and the warmest love I can conjure. I hope you can feel it the way I feel you.
Feel free to add me on facebook and go to my “Fly me to the Moon –> LA” album to see my photographic LA story.
Follow me on twitter and open my yfrog photo album for more mundane to magical picture stories.
I am in love with LA. So much talent, so many sweet spirits! I’ve been running around every day, meeting people, observing, learning, breathing it all in and of course singing. That is why I’m here. I did a rendition of the Isley Brothers’ For The Love Of You at RedWhite&Bluezz and was incredibly fortunate to sing with some of the most amazing musicians out there: Herman Jackson (keys), G-Mack (guitar), Stanley Randolph (drums) and of course my good friend, Brandon Brown (bass)!
Painting the town Blue!
A lot of people warned me about LA, fake people, superficial, plastic, short term, fleeting. And maybe it’s because I’m meeting the Brandon Brown approved people and also seeing the friends I knew before I came out here, but I am meeting such lovely people here. The total opposite of superficial, really endearing, people who go straight to the core and talk about real things. People who remember you from last time and hug you like you’re their long lost daughter. Maybe it’s because I’m meeting musicians. Maybe it’s because you create your own world, teach people how to treat you by staying true to your values, talk about the things you want to talk about. Brandon said LA is a place that puts a spotlight on who you are and magnifies it, and I think this is true. People are intensely passionate here, and I love that.
I’ve had a lot of people asking me about my blog and “what’s up with the stories, J?”, so I promise to write more during my stay in LA. I need to go now, going to a show at Stevie’s! Be back soon!
One more day of summer, and less than a month to go until I step into my moon boots, leave Mars and fly to the Moon: Los Angeles for one full Moon cycle (or, you know, a month…)!!
We’re finishing the Girl From Mars music video, shooting the last scene this week! Vinod and Winand Singh were like thunder and lightning at our brain storms, not only coming up with the craziest ideas, but actually finding ways to execute them. It is a no budget video with a rich premise: a different perspective, seeing things in a new way, what you see may not be what you get, peeling the layers to find your gem.
A new perspective on my face..
Besides the video shoot this weekend, I also have a music session for my song High on Life with Al Mar, to work on the ballad version of that song and I’m recording the final vocals for Nightlight with Rory next week. Brandon and I came up with a concept for a song we’ll write together when I’m in LA.
These past few weeks have been very inspiring. I saw Janelle Monáe live for the second time (third time will be next month in LA!), which was nothing less than mindblowing (she is currently on her US tour with Of Montreal: go witness the magic if you can!!) and met up with my friend Chuck. We listened to Simon & Garfunkel and their eerie take on the 7 o’clock news, dissected Airtight’s Revenge and strolled around Amsterdam in search of books (Freedom, Believer #73 & McSweeney’s #34: thanks Chuck!). Chuck taped me singing “Tape You” at a sports bar right before we were scarred for life by the display of a bunch of mad Agatha Trunchbull looking, non-blinking female rugby players singing their anthem on multiple tv screens. Scary.
I’m rambling. I tend to do that when I’m giddy and excited. I’m going to LA!!!!
It’s been a while. It’s been quite a while, an eventful while, definitely worth the while!
I’ve been going through turbulent times, with extreme highs and lows. Leaving the secure path of becoming a psychologist to follow my passion does mean I struggle financially and get disappointed when people I work with seem to take it less seriously than I do. People I loved to work with, people I clicked with, people who inspired me to dive into the magic. I mourn lost songs and lost projects, adding them to the huge collection I built over the years of songs unheard, unfinished, unrecorded: Jayanti’s Double Album of Lost Songs. I hope and trust these songs will be given a rebirth and the right people will cross my path so that my lyrics, melodies and compositions will come alive as they are in my mind. But even through the lows, I feel this constant state of happiness, knowing there is no light without the dark. And the darker it gets, the brighter the light! Almost there!
And the light is glorious! Skyrocketing highs, dazzling altitudes! This fall, I will be going to LA for a month!! A month!!! I am so excited, so happy, so thankful, so ecstatic, there is nothing that could pull down the corners of this continuous inner smile beaming from my soul. My first vacation in 10 years, this gives a new ring to work hard, play hard. And I will play hard! I’m meeting up with my friend, Brandon Brown, bass player extraordinaire and his band members and friends. We will jam in real life as we now do on Skype, sharing the deep love we both have for Michael Jackson (one thing we have in common is that as kids, he learned how to play the bass and I learned how to sing by doing Jackson 5 songs), Stevie Wonder and, well, MUSIC! We will go to Disneyland to see Captain EO!! I will see my cousin La Toya after almost 10 years, I can’t wait to watch her perform, she is a bad ass dancer and choreographer and we have always wanted to work together, and I believe that we will. Yes, I am incredibly excited and feel the blessings upon me. I am intensely grateful!!
At Vin’s house, while Win was sleeping…
Another celestial, Martian high: we started shooting my very first music video for the song Girl From Mars!! We will be shooting this month, and hopefully release the video in September. I got up at 3 am last night (Was it last night?? What day is it?!?), so we could shoot the opening scene at dawn. It was a one take guerilla shot, and one taxi driver even took pictures with his phone, while his colleagues stepped out of their cars to see what was going on, all with encouraging smiles. It was such a thrill!! Winand and Vinod Singh are shooting and directing the video (and doing a cameo in this first scene), and they also came up with the concept. We will shoot the rest of the scenes in two weeks and I can’t wait for you guys to see it! Yes! Almost there!!
Exactly one year ago I was recording my song Girl From Mars under a full Moon. I was in the recording booth and decided to take a break, when my phone rang in my hand. It was Orfeo, telling me about Michael Jackson’s cardiac arrest. I called my mom, Jackson 5 fan from day 1. I called Urdao. I leaned on Win. I went back into the vocal booth, I had to do something, my mind was numb and frantic, woozy and focused, all at once. When they called me back from the vocal booth they told me he had passed away. My knees buckled. I felt like I would dissolve, wash away with my tears, blow away with the sighs of disbelief, eyes wide as if staring harder would help me grasp the news, see it, feel it. I leaned on Win. Mitchell held my hand. Almar hugged me. They all asked me whether I wanted to stop, it would be ok if I wanted to stop, we were all dazed, the world was dazed and you could sense it… I felt I needed to finish, I took a deep breath, reached into my soul and blew it into my song.
My mom and I went to all his concerts, I started singing Ben, Ain’t No Sunshine and I Wanna Be Where You Are at weddings and talent shows when I was 5 (afro wig and everything!), I saw Moonwalker in a movie theatre and I thought it was the most spectacular thing ever… People knew about my mom’s love for MJ and how much I adored him, so it became a running gag that he was my real dad. Growing up without a positive father figure to look up to, I must say this joke wasn’t far from the truth, strange as it may seem. I truly learned how to sing by listening to his songs, over and over again, with my headphones on. I remember my mom telling me to really listen to the way he was feeling the song and made you feel it too. He was my mentor, my idol, my role model. And there’s a good chance he was yours, too. He was the musical father to an entire generation of kids, reminding us that magic is alive, teaching us to love and give. He was magic personified. He is magic.
Music and Me from Moonwalker
I will never forget the day I had the chance to look into Michael’s eyes. It was on his day off during the HIStory tour in Amsterdam. We stood a few feet from him, and he literally glowed, shining as if he were on stage, without any extra lights on him that night but his own. Light emanated from his spirit. It was real. We all saw it. It was as if the universe was following him with a natural spot light. A true star if ever the world knew one. Naturally illuminated.
Music and Me – live
I love you, Michael Joseph Jackson. Thank you for teaching us about music and magic, kindness and humility, sharing your gift and grace with the world. I celebrate your ascension to heaven one year ago, for you are home at last, no longer in search of the world that you came from:
So here it is, my list of shout outs to everyone who has voted for me in the MTV Ray Ban Battle by rating my Girl From Mars video with 5 stars! I have more votes than names, so if you don’t see your name in this list, and you did vote for me, or maybe even asked your friends to vote, please leave a comment with your name(s) or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will add you to the shout out list. If you would like me to add a link to your name (of your website, facebook, youtube channel, twitter), I’ll gladly do that, so let me know!
Thank you all so much!!! The Valtifest festival -which this battle is a part of- will be held in September, so you can still vote. I will keep you updated, and maybe, with your help, I will get a feature on MTV!! Fingers & toes (& tongues?) crossed!
Björn (1st on facebook!)
Nagali (1st thru email!)
Win (= my external harddrive & made this vid)
Vin (we will post your Indulge spoof, be scared!)
Wesley (beat knockin dad to be!)
Silvana (via Win’s link – farm!)
Marca (via Win – nice to meet you!!)
Molgerd (real recognize real)
Jeffrey (video bro)
Alex (B. Black)
Farah (5* as you are!)
Erika (my hoodie & musical gem pusher)
Steve (Erika made him)
Steph (Erika made her – GTC member)
Priscilla (she got me!)
Ouxu (fellow crop top ‘do rocker)
Tanchita (1 of the Tinkerbell nick originators!)
La Toya (sooner than later!)
Angie (likes this – heals with food)
Sharine (oops again?! yay!)
MūSiz (T2U Renaissance Man)
Michael (F. mad hatter)
Wilma (yes latte soon!)
Mila (birthday planner)
Susan (+1000 forwards, so thank you 1000x!!)
Oesha (msn link tnx!!)
Truu Soul (Cardiac Arrest)
Jacquinn Johnson (poetically correct)
Sharmila (remember Paris? lol-geez-cough)
Stacey (exhilarated by law.. oolala!)
Sophieheartspotter (MJ and Harry, lovely!)
RBCHILD4EV (great music channel)
logosfabula (somewhere over the rainbow)
tcade25 (anime & music)
wrldtvlr2 (beautiful MJ vids)
TUNEin2BLISS (waves all around)
TheCalebson (sweet lady, sweet music)
jm423 (real voices on this channel!!)
youriish (likes it on yt & fb!)
ThatKidFromRussia (hiphop hoo-russia!)
BigbankX (vibe with Lee..)
Saskia (ah yes, usb sticks.. you rock!!)
Poonam (Master Pookie)
Rinesh (Mister Pookie)
Pookie’s Friends (expansion!)
Cher (+ Lion & Hira by proxy)
Nashira (worth a try? but once is great!!)
Soye (Tang Soo Do, uhuh..)
Djavan (lil bro who likes to jump off things +421!)
Desiré (sol the night away)
Amin (Pan Afrikanz Warrior *3)
Robert (P. my non-homie)
Brandon (puts the Captain in EO! Skype jams!)
Jennifer (Mrs Jones)
Michael (C. defying lingual barriers)
Karlos (no conditioner macho man)
Greg (El Hoggy – comic relief Master)
Almar (Mr Mars, forever 21)
Rory (Nightlight & sushi)
Rokesh (IT guru)
Ratna (sweetest mathemagician)
Marcel Groot (Blushing Man)
Randell (fellow nocturnal brotha)
TwilightForestLight (peace & Isis)
You can still vote for me and help me get featured on MTV! Here’s how:
Slap my Girl From Mars video with 5 stars
Hit the “stem” button.
Done! Thank you sooo much!!!
The website serves as a social media hub, which updates itself in real time to give you a look into the ET realm and my ramblings: my latest tweets, facebook status updates (even if you’re not on fb), youtube videos, songs and of course my most recent blog posts. Win and I thought it up, and knew immediately what it would look like. We would use the photos of our upcoming Exotic Tinkerbell photo shoot as a backdrop and wanted a minimalist look (zen!) with small buttons on the right and nothing else. And we wanted the background pictures to refresh themselves during your stay as a way to introduce myself to you, before you even got to the full gallery. And it’s so good to meet you! I hope you feel me beaming amazing vibes to you, cause I most definitely feel yours! Thank you all so much for the love!!
Besides launching the website and social media platform, this was also a launch of the Exotic Tinkerbell Photo Album. You can find the 13 photos under the 5th button (flickr). The photos were essential for the feel of the website. The world I escape to during my highs and my lows: Harry Potter and Disney meet Arabian Nights and a burlesque room in Josephine Baker’s days… A visual representation of my personality. From morning to night, steamy yet light, introverted to extraverted (I scored exactly 50/50 in a test I did as a psychology student), a girly girl who hangs with the fellas (Girl From Mars), listening to their guy talk during basketball while yapping their ears off over tea, an only child who loves making new family and adores the huge family she was born into, the European born daughter to Surinamese parents, mom East Indian, dad Creole Black. I wanted this shoot to display my duality, and the way I embrace it. Never choose sides, why can’t I be both?
After the photo shoot, working with the incredible makeup artist Yohana Yfara and Winand & Vinod Singh shooting me with two cameras -different lenses- simultaneously (duality!), we started working on the website we envisioned. Clean and simple looking, but with a lot of coding needed to make the website think for itself, collecting all my babbling from twitter, facebook and youtube to make jayanti.me a place that breathes and moves as I do. Winand knew the perfect person to create the actual website, someone who had previously worked in the creative field as a film/television producer and decided to listen to the little man inside and quit this seemingly glamorous job to pursue an old hobby: web development. George Sait was the perfect guy. Like Win and myself, he has given up on a stable income to go for his passion (in my case singing, in Win’s case leaving a high profile ad firm to become a freelance creative conceptor). And if there is one word I love and live by, it is passion! I hope you will or have found yours!
My very best hug to…
Winand Singh (conjuring up the ET concept with me, photos, designing jayanti.me)
Vinod Singh (photos)
George Sait (web design, losing a weekend of sleep and ghetto guerilla coding)
Michael Fitzmaurice (overseas coding and rubber ducking)
Yohana Yfara (makeup)
Van Dijk: Wendela, Barije & Tatiana (styling except my own purple blue jumpsuit)
…for working on the Exotic Tinkerbell photo shoot and website with me… and to you, for reading this all the way through!
Starting today, I will post a new photo daily until it’s time for the launch of my new website on Saturday May 15th. A Photo Mixtape as a prelude to the Photo Album to be released on the website in four days. Photos have melodies, too… listen and you will see! This is the first of four previews, taking you from morning to night, bubbly to intense. The different sides of me: Exotic Tinkerbell.
A full gallery will be displayed on the website, which will serve as a hub where you’ll be updated -in realtime- on my tweets, facebook status updates, youtube videos, new songs and of course, my blog posts.
Yay, I got a haircut today!! Another take on Exotic Tinkerbell, which I thought up a few days ago. Change is good.
Hair by Thaïs: I may have found the new love of my hair’s life!
I just added a new category for my photos and it is ever so eloquently called “photos”. Yes indeed. All photos I post on my blog are in HD, full sized and eagerly awaiting your clicks (lame..). The category section is in the second column, next to this one. Please let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to see on my blog and I’ll get back to you!
PS: I normally don’t pay a lot of attention to butts (unless there’s nothing there, that usually does register), but Raymond’s of Princess and the Frog is the bizniz straight up and square down! And he’s hella handsome.*
*Disclaimer: I’ve been sleeping all day with a killer migraine and may be suffering from nocturnal delirium.
Today, I joined twitter. I started following a bunch of people I think may be interesting enough to help me get past the ugly RT’s and @’s and #’s. So help me Erykah, Quincy and Eckhart! If not, I will call it a day and blame the litter on twitter for this adventure’s early demise and proclaim my twitter career a case of April Fools! But who knows, I might grow to love it in these hours… Tomorrow I’ll post a Yes or a No here on my blog to let you know if I’m the fool who stayed or turned away. ;o)
And for the fools tempted to follow this fool:
Wow! I am featured on the Canadian website RollerFunk… I am soooo honored and happy…. Thank you so very much!!
Wow, I am very very proud to be the latest feature on Urban Monks, an inspiration website for creative people. And aren’t we all creative? You might be doing the 9-5, but you like to think outside of the box, try to find the unique little things that make your life more interesting, conjure up the most crazy scenarios, if only inside the realms of your mind. I know you do. You’re a human being (if not, please leave a comment!! please!!!!!). Hence, you’re creative. It’s in your design. You need to challenge those neurons. Let it out!
And in the meantime, if you’re interested, read my first online interview. It includes pictures! A picture of my hand and an empty tea cup!! Yes!! And also, two new photos from the Exotic Tinkerbell shoot..
Michael Jackson is my mentor, that is how I feel. He inspires me like no other. I learned how to cultivate my voice, by listening to his early work, like Ben, Ain’t No Sunshine and I Wanna Be Where You Are when I was a little girl. I’d perform these songs with my afro wig on, at talent shows and weddings. After writing my first song “Starlight” when I was 7 and had just gotten back from a family visit in the States and was longing to go back, watching the tiny specks of light of airplanes moving across the sky, I studied Michael’s work on Off The Wall, Thriller and Bad and was amazed by the art of creating songs. The game of making up songs was called songwriting, and the melodies I hummed were compositions, the way I changed the melody when I found the right words were arrangements… How marvelous!!
My mom took me to his concerts and each time, we’d fly (that’s how I remember it, now I really don’t understand how she did it!) all the way to the front row, me and mama, nobody in front of us, just a clear view of The Master. She taught me one of my most valued life lessons: picture yourself already standing there, it is where you’re supposed to be! The security guards even placed me in front of the barrier when I was really young and even shorter than I am now (yeah..) so I was able to dance and run and feel like I was hanging out with Mike while he was performing… Amazing!
On this full moon, I would like to share a rare interview my mom found (yes, mom, you were right…. it’s beautiful and I should have watched it right away and I didn’t and I’m an idiot…) which I think is so special, because he really talks about the process of creating and you can see little J5 Michael in his face, his gestures, his voice, his smile. His smile… :o)
Thank you, Michael, and happy Full Moon to you, may your spirit be blessed and dance on the tides of the universe, as it always has!! I love you…
Uhuh, now that’s a title!! :op
I’ve been awesomely busy these past few weeks, writing songs, doing the photo shoot selection, writing songs, reading the first Harry Potter for the 7th (?) time to relax before bed [vital!], writing songs, going to music sessions… Yeah. And writing songs.
Also, I am very excited to tell you that I just made my very first Flip video! Wooooo!! Yeah!!!! The idea is to bring my new lil friend with me wherever I go, so I’ll bring him (yes him, hush..) to my music session tomorrow and kind of have you tag along… In a good way! :o) So you can see what I do and how I write my songs, work with the producers and rehearse.
On this first flip vid, I was writing (am still writing) one of my new songs Nightlight. When, right in the middle of it, Win pings me to tell me about the awesome dopeness of tonight’s Jay Electronica concert. See I was supposed to go!!! But I forgot that it was on the same night that I had a session earlier and then I also had a session the day after, which is tomorrow. Anyway… this is me with the Flipman.
listen closely and hear the draft of Nightlight thru my headphones
January 26th 2010 was one of the happiest, most blissful days of my life! An extension and crown upon months of preparation, hours of conversation, saving (thanks mom & Win for the extra support!!!), creating a mood board, diary entries, inner traveling, outer channeling by means of the right setting and perfect wardrobe (Van Dijk!), working with my favorite makeup artist (Yohana!!!), an amazing hair stylist (Wendy!!!) and to top it all off: shooting with my best friends, Winand and Vinod Singh. Two rooms, two moods, two elements, two cameras, two angles, toooo smooooove!!!
We made our first selection last night, and now I’m going over the first batch to make the final cut. We will use these pictures for the new website, which will hopefully launch in March [May, hooray!]. Here’s a first glimpse of our shoot: Vin shooting Win shooting me working as the creative collective “Me We”!
-click image for full size-
Things are really coming together for me on all levels, I’m surrounding myself with the loveliest, most inspiring, gifted and giving people blessed with incredible talent and the purest of spirits. Beautiful Yohana, the makeup artist with an incredible eye for detail, literally sprinkling me with fairy dust to make the magic shine through, the ladies at Van Dijk (Barije, Tatiana and of course Wendela) helping me with my gorgeous wardrobe, Wendy the buoyant spirited hair stylist with pizazz and flair while doing hair (girl you funny!), Winand and Vinod really stripping me to my core then turning it inside out to show my soul on camera for everyone to see. We really captured me: Exotic Tinkerbell. People don’t tell me I’m an alien for no reason, and now we know what E.T. really stands for! ;o)
I made a playlist for this day, click to see the titles and create a sonic image of the Exotic Tinkerbell photo shoot. I also played the album “janet” by Janet Jackson and “Les Fleurs” by Minnie Riperton.
Full Moon on New Year’s Eve. The last night of the year, when 2009 and 2010 meet. A true full circle moment!
I find myself restless, inspired, emotional and completely open when there’s a full moon out there.. Even when it’s still waxing to complete fullness, I feel my tummy churning, songs flowing out of me and I only realize there’s a full moon (coming) when I look out my bedroom window, unable to sleep. It’s the most magical of times, it feels like all the emotions that have been brewing are released…
Enjoy the last day of this year as if there is no tomorrow. Savour and marvel at every day of 2010 as if it were the first…
Happy Every Day everybody!!
Say yes to life and life will say yes to you. That is the lesson I learned last Saturday, December 19th.
My showcase went really well, and it turned out, the audience could vote for their favorite artist of the night. People were walking up to me after my performance, telling me they were voting for me, and I had no idea what it was all about, but was mighty thankful all the same! Who needs to know the details (voting for what?? what’s the prize?? wait, is this a competition???) when you know people can vote for you?? So I decided to campaign for myself and scare the swag out of the hormone packed teenage boys hollering at me all night. They don’t expect you to actually talk to them!?! lol!
I walked up to them and said: “Boys!” [saucer eyes, eyeballs going side to side, then regaining their faux teenage swagger] “You liked my show?” “Alright then! Great! So vote for me!”. And swift as their young brains work (yes, yes… take that pun if you want to) they demanded hugs, so I found myself exchanging hugs for votes. And it paid off: I won a flatscreen LG tv plus a Wii (I’m selling the Wii so I can pay for a new photo shoot for my new website layout and promo pics!! yay!) by channeling my inner Mac Mommy and two people who voted for me both won a prize as well! So you see: spread the love and it’ll come back to you!
Gio aka Vanno aka Giovanno came to my showcase on his birthday (thank you so much!), so we all decided to have dinner at Bazar (the same place we recorded the very first of the Life Is A Musical videos) after the gig and we ended up singing Surinamese birthday songs and slamming the tables for the right afro-caribbean beat. I had such an amazing night, only a few days after feeling like I would break. And I did break: through! Through my fears and through my pain. If anything, this night reminded me to keep on giving. All of me at all times. Feels like the scariest thing to do, but I realize it will not eat away at me nor will it kill me: giving my all expands my soul and makes me grow. I feel intensely alive!
Hopping on stage to receive two cherries on top of an amazing night :o)
I’ve been feeling extremely vulnerable and open these past few weeks. I’m slowly breaking. Breaking into pieces to give up or breaking open to push through? I want to push through.
My voice and making up songs are what I’ve been using and doing with the deepest passion for as long as I can remember. When I was 5, I thought I’d get my big break tomorrow. When I was 13, I thought I’d get a break at least before I was 16, right?? Well, it hasn’t happened… yet. I kept writing, I kept hurting, I kept aching, I kept pushing.
I can only be so limber… I’m about to break. While all I need is a break. For brief moments at a time, I feel like taking myself up on my word and fly to Mars to be home and be whole. And then I remind myself of the amazing people I make my music with, the people who believe, the way singing is the only thing to soothe and heal the wounds marked upon my soul before I had words.
But I have words now.